Day 2:
After the weekend of my conversation with God wherein I felt so much better and realized a lot of things, I saw D again today at school. I felt the same shudder I've been having every time I see him. I was on verge of tears because this hasn't happened for the first time and I started to wonder how long this is going to take... And how much more of this I can bear. I pray every night about him and my feelings towards him. I just pray that my emotions could switch off. My cousin once reiterated to me the fact about how people wish they know how to turn their feelings off at some points in their lives especially when the pain is too unbearable and you just want to get away from it all. It's during these times that people resort to things they THINK can help get their mind off things-- some do vices, hurt themselves or in other words, go completely astray from God. I'm blessed enough though to have such a loving family and friends who made me realize about the other side of the coin. Sometimes, we feel so helpless and in such great despair, we self pity or worse, we start to give up. I realized though that these kind of times are blessings. It's the most beautiful blessing our God could ever give us because it's during these times that God call out to us. He is the only Person who knows where the main switch is and He's the Only One who can control and turn this off for us.
For it is only in darkness that we can see the light.
I'm taking it day by day... One step at a time. It's just been almost a month but I feel this has been going on for so much longer. I cry, I pray, I feel better then I see him and I cry again and the cycle goes on... But I pray and I BELIEVE there's an end to this. Someday, it will end with I feel better, I see him, period. No more crying. No more bitter feelings, just genuine happiness and peace.
Other than that, today's been a blessing because I was able to have a wonderful and beautiful conversation with a friend (Louie Yao), whom I'm not really close to until today. I sought for advice from her knowing she was once in my situation and most especially because of the fact that she's a Christian.
Here are some beautiful verses she shared with me :)
Romans 12:14
Bless those who persecute you,bless and do not curse.
Sufferings are blessings.
James 1:2-8
Consider it pure joy,my brothers,whenever you face trials of many kinds,because you know the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will
be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea,blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord;he is a double-minded man,unstable in all he does.
There's a time for everything.
Romans 8:18
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.
God takes away great things to pave the way for GREATER things :)
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