Day 7
As you've noticed, I just updated my entry titles. I initially labeled them in sequence but then I realized there were 2 days I missed of which I decided not to blog about until now. I guess those were just two of the numerous days that I was completely down and refused to talk about it. If you guys haven't noticed, those were the two days before his birthday which I really fussed up about. But it's all over now and I guess the reason why I'm blogging about it is to remind myself of those two really bad days. I remember how burdened I felt then and how much thoughts ran through my head.
I probably have mentioned this in my previous entries but even during my healing period, the worst and most dreaded part of the day for me was waking up and having this empty feeling no matter how good I felt when I slept that night before. It used to be a cycle. I would wake up feeling empty then by the middle of the day, I'd start to realize things and be more accepting and pray myself to sleep to feel better then I'd wake up in the morning and I'm back to square one.
That lasted for a long while.
But this morning, I was awakened as the sun's rays penetrated my windows. It's been a while since I was "naturally" awakened-- not by an alarm clock or our maid knocking on the door. I woke up and for the very first time, I felt fulfilled and renewed! I was just really grateful that it took me a while to get out from bed because I was too busy indulging myself in the joy and peace I am blessed with. I couldn't help but stare out my window and just praise God.
Proverbs 16: All the ways of a man may be pure in his own eyes, but it is the Lord who proves it
Today, God has truly blessed me by finally switching the "pain button" off. I have been praying for this moment for the longest time and of course, it didn't happen in a snap nor was it a smooth sailing trip. It took a lot of patience and faith. There were bad and worse days wherein I would start to lose hope and I'd feel like God wasn't really listening to me. But I really had no other choice. Praying made me feel better, whether or not I was certain if He was listening.
Ecclesiastes 3: 1: "To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven.
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to reap that which is planted.
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to to mourn, and a time to dance.
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing.
A time to get and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace."
There is a time for everything. We just have to be patient and not give up because it takes time to build beautiful things and believe me, it is worth the wait.
And as my "Dealing with a Broken Heart" journey comes to end, it is definitely just the beginning of something new. I may not be certain if I have completely moved on already but I know that waking up this morning and not having that empty feeling is already a good sign. I guess if there comes a day that I may start to feeling "something" again, I could just read back on these entries and be reminded by the lessons I have learned and blessings I have been showered upon. But I doubt it because I believe that with God, all things are possible.
why write something about who hurt you and not who you have hurt in the past? you're not exactly a saint, you know. and all those blogs about love and stuff? have you told anyone about your lies? i would bet that you can't tell anyone close to you what you did last 6 summers ago. i dare you.
ReplyDeleteThe person I was before is someone I'm not exactly proud of. I may have had my own share of hurting people myself and done things I shouldn't have. But without these same things and experiences, I wouldn't have found my Salvation and grace. I am now Saved. I am saved from my wrong ways and old life.
ReplyDeleteNot everyone is perfect and even Christians fall into temptations as well. But God is a forgiving god and He has forgiven me from all the sins I have committed before because I am TRULY sorry for them. I can't also say that I am now living a sin-free life but with His blessings and Word, I am more wise with my decisions.
I have been warned about bashes or comments like these as well for they will try to condemn me. It is written that not everyone will appreciate me for there will always be people who will try to shake my faith and bring me down. But I want to thank you because you have just convicted me to become a better Christian :)
2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!
God bless you! :)